The world today values individuality, independence, and self-sufficiency. However, dependency is an important part of any healthy relationship that often feels like it’s counterintuitive to how you’re expected to act in society and at work.
If you want to create a balance between intimate moments with your partner and your everyday life, it’s important to differentiate your real-world independence from your relationship dependence.
If you’re struggling with intimacy in the modern world, take a look at some of these tips to help you connect emotionally with your partner.
Be Vulnerable
You may feel like you have to keep your most intimate thoughts and emotions to yourself, but being vulnerable can help your partner understand you so much better. It can be difficult to express your needs in the beginning, but as you open up, it will get easier with time.
Make sure your partner also feels comfortable sharing by providing them with a safe space to say what they need to say. When you respond positively to things they were previously scared to discuss, they’ll feel more confident sharing even more.
Whether it’s your desire to go to a sex shop and explore new kinks or talking about the type of support you need when confronting difficult life decisions, share your needs and establish a stronger bond.
Show Appreciation
Just because you expect your partner to be an equal party in taking care of all of life’s tasks and chores doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thank them for their efforts. Appreciation is a simple way you can make your partner feel more valued and increase your intimacy.
These small tokens of affection take almost no effort but have a massive effect. Some ways to show appreciation include:
- Saying “Thank You” when your partner helps with chores
- Leaving short love notes for them to find
- Occasionally take over a task they usually handle to give them a break
Try these out and watch how your partner suddenly shows you new levels of affection and appreciation as well!
Be Present
Being present is all about your state of mind—not necessarily your physical self. Your partner wants to feel like you’re fully engaged in the current moment and that they have your complete attention.
If you’re striving to be present intentionally, even if only for a few minutes, get rid of all distractions, like phones or television, and make sure your mind isn’t preoccupied by other things. Practice active listening and connect with what your partner is telling you.
Try Intimacy Exercises
Intimacy exercises are an even more intentional way to be present, be vulnerable, and show appreciation for your partner. Here are two that are a simple, easy way to start:
The Six-Second Kiss
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Just hold a kiss with your partner for six seconds or more. This exercise works because it jolts you out of the complacency of a quick peck on the cheek before moving on to “more important” matters.
When you kiss more intentionally, you refresh your intimacy and enjoy a number of other health benefits, including:
- Releasing dopamine and oxytocin, which can reduce stress
- Reaffirming your commitment through being present
- Physically communicating your love and desire for your partner
One study even found that men who kissed their partners before going to work lived longer and earned more money than men who didn’t!
Hugging to Relax
For this one, you may want to set a timer. Start with five minutes and hug your partner. Tune into yourself, watch how your body’s rhythms change, and experience your partner’s rhythms, too.
Hugs are actually really good for you, as research shows that they can reduce stress, release oxytocin, and increase serotonin production. In addition to changing your own body chemistry, you’re using this exercise to slow down and take a moment to just be with each other. Hugging can be the perfect first step to reintroducing physical intimacy into your life.
Do Regular Relationship Check-Ins
If you feel like your relationship can use a little TLC in comparison to the busy demands of your daily life, a really easy way to rebuild intimacy is through an active conversation about your relationship as a whole.
The relationship check-in provides you with a bit of structure to explore, re-examine, and celebrate your life together. It can also create the perfect space to address the challenges you face as a team.
You don’t have to walk on eggshells or wait for the right time to address your concerns when you have some; you have a framework that provides you with the perfect time and space to work through problems and reconnect.
Using All These Techniques
While these techniques can be helpful at different points in your relationship, they may not be the right fit for you right now. Start small and work your way up to the big stuff, integrating these exercises slowly as you feel more comfortable.
Make sure you work through these techniques with your partner, keeping them involved in maintaining your relationship!