Experimenting with someone of the same sex is (thankfully) less taboo than it’s ever been. And according to a survey from the sex toy company Adam and Eve, 30 percent of women have done just that. (And 19 percent of men surveyed said they’ve experimented with other men.)
While this survey didn’t ask respondents whether they identify as LGBTQ, a National Health Statistics report from 2016 found that 17.4 percent of women ages 18 through 44 had experienced sexual contact with other women even though just 6.8 percent identified as lesbian or bisexual.
In honor of Pride Month, we asked readers of all different sexual orientations about their first same-sex encounters. Here are their stories:
1. I told her I thought we would end up making out
“I was studying abroad in South Africa when my roommate revealed that she was a lesbian. Having been struggling with my own sexuality, I boldly told her that I thought we would end up making out. One night, we were hanging together on her bed listening to ‘Something Beautiful’ by Needtobreathe when I kissed her. It instantly clicked at that moment why things had never worked out with guys. This makeout session led to four months of sneaking off to have sex in corners of our apartment where our other roommates wouldn’t see and hooking up in public restrooms, etc. Nothing ever came of us besides a friendship, but I’ve never turned back.” —Tayla, 23
2. I took a chance and kissed her
“I’d never really thought of myself as anything other than straight until a friend of mine said she liked me and it was too bad I didn’t like girls. I laughed it off, but something in my head went, ‘It is too bad I’m straight!’ Later that evening, I took a chance and kissed her while we were watching a movie. Then one thing led to another, which led to our dating for a year and a half. I had always assumed I had to be straight because I like men. Now, I happily identify as bisexual, and a lot of feelings and a few dreams from high school make a lot more sense.” —Cathy, 35
3. I wasn’t sure about my own identity
“This girl and I had been hanging out for a while. I knew she was gay, and I wasn’t sure about my own identity. We were having a sleepover one day—as we did most weekends—and she kissed me. We made out, and then we started having sex on a regular basis as friends with benefits. Since her, I’ve only been with women.” —Lauren, 23
4. It was my first time having a threesome
“It was my first time with a woman and my first time participating in a threesome—so I was doubly nervous. My ex-boyfriend arranged it, and I trusted him and his taste in women. The woman was very sweet, curvy, and had amazing lips. We sat around watching silly porn for a while, no one making any moves, and then eventually she just attacked me. She straddled me, and I was shocked at how soft she was everywhere. The threesome didn’t really end up being very threesome-ish, as we kind of just took turns in the end—but it was pretty exciting to experience a woman’s body for the first time. Neither of us had the guts to go south of each other’s waists, though. We stuck to kissing and breast play. Since I consider myself pretty much straight but fascinated by the female body, I was happy with that. I had a second threesome a few years later, with different people, and I went down on the woman. It didn’t really do anything for me.” —Portia, 36
5. I wanted to sleep with other women
“I had a crush on this girl, and she knew it. We were very good friends, and her boyfriend was my close friend. One night, we all kind of made out, and I thought, ‘Girls are good kissers.’ I’ve identified as bi since I was 16, so it reinforced that. I wanted to sleep with other women, but it just didn’t happen.” —Jen, 39
6. I don’t need to question my sexuality anymore
“I was trying to plan a threesome with this guy I was seeing. He ended up matching with this girl on Tinder who agreed to a threesome after they got to know each other a little better. We friended each other on social media and found out that we had a ton of interests in common. After a few weeks, she decided she wasn’t into this guy anymore, but she still wanted to hang out with me. I was so nervous because I had never been with a woman before. I planned on this guy being my buffer. I’m bisexual, but I didn’t come out until my early 20s. I voiced this to her, thinking it would be a turn-off that she would be my first sexual encounter with a woman. She was more than understanding. A few weeks later, I was at a bar with some friends and called her to see if she would want to see me that night. I took a Lyft to her apartment about an hour later. We sat on her couch drinking wine, I pretended to like her cat, we flirted for a while, I was nervous. We took it to the bedroom, and I had one of the most awkward, thrilling, skin-tingling sexual experiences of my life. It’s still hard for me to date women, as I feel like I’m so new and clueless. But now I know I don’t need to question my sexuality anymore.” —Sarah, 25
7. I had considered myself mostly straight
“I had gone on a few dates with an interesting late-thirties couple and went over one day for a pre-planned threesome. We drank nice cider and they gave me greens from their co-op before we even moved to the bedroom. I’d only had one crush on a girl and considered myself mostly straight before then, but a few hours later, I fully came to terms with being attracted to men and women after an incredible night focusing on the dude’s female partner.” —Shannon, 24
8. Every woman to me is an untouchable goddess
“I had come out as bisexual my senior year of college and was (still am, actually) clueless on how to pursue relationships with women. The fall after graduation, [a woman and I] matched on Tinder. We really clicked over the chat, so she decided to come with some friends to the coffee shop where I worked and meet face to face. I was terrified but also really attracted to her. She was like a tiny Jodie Foster. We made plans, but they fell through. She had never seen Spirited Away, so I invited her to come over and watch it with me. We were spooning, and with my position as the big spoon, I was too terrified to make a move. Then, we switched positions, and I love to say that’s when she spirited me away. (It’s okay to roll your eyes at all that corn.) I had never felt that way before. She was so soft and gentle. It felt right, and I felt like a teenager again. I fell hard, but although she liked me, she wasn’t feeling as intensely as I was. It makes sense, though—I was going through a sexual awakening that she had experienced years before. We ended up having a dramatic breakup of sorts, where I stormed out of a coffee shop with her calling after me to come back. Years later, I still struggle with dating women. I think my issue is I put them all on pedestals: every woman to me is an untouchable goddess. In reality, they’re human just like me. I need to get over that hurdle sooner or later because I’m so over navigating the toxicity of men.” —Maddie, 26
9. I must have gone down on her at least three times
“I was on a cross-country road trip, found myself in Texas, and was frustrated by how many men admitted to never having been tested for STIs before. Unwilling to negotiate my hard boundary (I don’t hook up with anyone who hasn’t been tested within the last six months) but still wanting to scratch a sexual itch, I decided to try having sex with women. I made a very honest Tinder profile stating that I was inexperienced but a very enthusiastic and reliable hookup. It didn’t take long until I matched with a very beautiful lesbian who had a thing for ‘newbies.’ I was so excited to try something new but still a little nervous, so we got stoned and I asked her if it would be okay if I just explored her body. I ended up giving her a full-body massage with oil to see what she liked, and I’ve must’ve gone down on her at least three times. I totally get why men love giving head now. It’s addictive!” —Dana, 31
10. It felt totally natural and right
“I’d always had a sneaking suspicion that I might be queer. When I was 21, I went to see the movie Chocolat in a park with one of my fellow teammates from my swim team. I knew she was gay; I definitely had a crush on her. We both have Type 1 diabetes, and that made me feel an instant bond with her—we could check our blood sugars together! We made out in the middle of the movie, right there in a huge public park. It felt totally natural and right. I drove her home and nothing happened from there. Still, she and I are still friends, and I officially came out as queer at 27.” —Bonnie, 29
11. I was exploring some platonic kink
“My first hookup with a woman was with my housemate during college (cue college try jokes). I was exploring some platonic kink with some housemates—asking them to spank me with a sex toy I recently acquired—she told me she could spank me…platonically. After getting drunk together one night at a party our house was hosting, I asked her if she wanted to spank me…not platonically? She was surprised but said yes, and kinky sex ensued! All the time, our phones were buzzing with our friends asking where we had disappeared to! The next day, I sent her a message saying what a good time and I had, and she replied that she was getting back together with her ex boyfriend. I’m hella queer now, though, so not all is lost from that experience!” —Eva, 23
12. I assumed you just ‘knew’ if you were gay
“I had always been with men in the past but never in much of a relationship—I can’t say I was ever really into it or enjoyed it. In fact, at times, it distressed me. However, it never occurred to me that I might fancy women because I assumed you just ‘knew’ if you were gay. However, about five years ago, I went on lesbian dating apps and had a few dates. I found them attractive but didn’t feel any kind of spark. Something, though, made me keep dating. Then, I got a ‘like’ from one woman whose picture really piqued my interest. We started talking online and messaged each other constantly for two days before meeting even though we lived over 100 miles apart. There was instant chemistry. We’ve now been together for nine months, and I feel like I’ve finally found who I am and who I am meant to be with. I am definitely gay. I guess it’s just not as straightforward for everyone figuring out their sexuality.” —Eleanor, 39