Most individuals and couples are interested in maintaining a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship long-term. When you find something good, you want more of it, and that’s as natural as desiring your partner sexually. While everyone has different sexual needs and preferences, there are some standard things you can do to ensure the health and safety of you and your partner, as well as ways to continue exploring sex together in a meaningful, pleasurable way.
Establish Trust and Safety
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The best path to amazing sex is trust and safety. Even if that’s a given in your relationship, having a conversation about what makes you feel safe and wanted can increase intimacy, both emotionally and sexually. This boils down to asking each other two questions:
-What makes you feel safe, and am I doing this regularly?
-What lets you know that there is trust in our relationship, and how can I improve it?
While this could be a challenging conversation, it can lead to greater emotional intimacy and further develop your connection, improving your physical intimacy.
Communicate and Check In
Clear and regular communication is vital to achieving and maintaining a healthy sex life with your partner. This includes both sexual and non-sexual topics. Having a frank conversation about sexual enjoyment and pleasure is a wonderful way to encourage a healthy relationship and confront problems as they arise.
Try Toys and Games!
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Toys aren’t just for solo pleasure. From frisky couples’ games to exploring anal play, sex toys for couples can liven up any sexual relationship. Imagine sitting across from your partner at dinner and remotely activating a vibrator. Even if you’re having dinner at home, this adds an element of surprise and excitement to the evening.
Talking about what toys excite you can also jumpstart the fun. You can order sex toys online together (even if you’re not in the same location when you’re talking about it), or go to a sex toy shop to pick out something special. You can have fun exploring the different options while also talking about what does and does not interest you.
Maintain Sexual Health
Ever had a tough time getting aroused even though you’re really attracted to your partner? That’s okay; it happens to everyone. Sexual interest and libido naturally waxes and wanes due to life events, mental health, how our hormones work — and this goes for all genders. Routine blood work and speaking to your therapist and medical team about sexual health changes are important for your sex life as well as your overall health.
Additionally, if you have multiple partners or have had different partners in the past and haven’t been tested recently, it’s ideal to get screened for STIs. Always be open with your partner(s) about your sexual health.
Explore Your Fantasies
Are there any kinks or fantasies you know you enjoy or you’re curious about exploring? Your interests can change over time, so consider talking about it again every so often. Respect your partner’s boundaries, and explore kinks together.
Many couples and individuals have ‘vanilla kinks’ or ‘soft kinks’ that they’re interested in exploring. These fantasies are usually easier and less intimidating to try for the first time, like roleplay or blindfolds. When you talk about your fantasies, make sure the tone is open-minded and not about shaming what the other person wants. There are ways to include most kinks and fantasies with a little negotiation. And if one or neither of you is having fun, just hit the reset button and do something else.
Adapt to Health Changes
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As we age individually and together, our bodies change. We lose flexibility and stamina, and may experience chronic health issues or disabilities. When this happens, communicate with your partner about how to adapt your sex life to fit your needs. Health changes aren’t just about aging. It includes considerations for everything from pregnancy and childbirth to gender-affirming surgery, illness, or even injuries — all of which may require (temporary or permanent) alternate sexual plans as bodies change and heal.
Consider Couples’ Therapy
Many tend to think of couples’ therapy as something reserved for people whose relationships are in trouble, and that’s not true. Just as therapy helps individuals who are in good mental health, it can help couples explore new avenues and open up about their sexual desires. A solid couples’ therapist will work at your comfort level to help you explore and add sensuality into your sexual experience. You can also investigate the benefits of sex therapy to keep your sex life spicy!
Revisit the Classics
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You don’t always have to do something new. Sometimes, it’s nice to revisit something (or somewhere) that will bring up some good memories. This could be anything from your first time to a favorite vacation spot, or even a routine you used to have for date night. Talking about the beginning of your relationship, how you’ve changed, and how you’ve grown together can ignite (or reignite) the spark. Having a good flashback moment? It can also help to dress for the occasion.
Additionally, after a period of exploration, it can feel good to return to something comfortable, like your favorite sex position or the regular routine of sex after a Saturday night movie date. Relationships that become more sexually adventurous can still include the feel-good classics.
