It’s normal for couples to fall into sexual ruts. Sometimes, everyday life just gets in the way of passion and spontaneity, and your sex life can become habitual and predictable. If your partner has started to talk about sexual fantasies – or you yourself want to start experimenting with new things – being able to communicate freely is key to making the process enjoyable.
One of the ways many couples spice up their relationships is by incorporating fun toys such as gag balls, butt plugs and vibrators, and BDSM play such as blindfolds, chastity devices and breast bondage. Whilst sex can be improved and enhanced by incorporating these toys and accessories into the bedroom, communicating with your partner and being open to each other’s needs is key.
How to explore fantasies with your partner
It takes a lot of guts to admit that you’re interested in a certain type of fantasy play, so if your partner trusts you enough to confess their most X-rated ideas, don’t break that trust by being quick to mock or judge – even if it’s not your cup of tea. Whilst you are in no way obligated to perform or take part in any type of sexual act that you don’t want to, try to always explain clearly if it doesn’t appeal to you, without making your partner feel guilty or ashamed.
Incorporate toys into the bedroom
When many couples try to improve their sex lives, the first things they try to change up are their sexual positions. The problem is that often, we settle on two or three favourite positions with our partner not because it’s easy or because we’re used to it, but because these positions feel good. Often, changing things up just for the sake of being “spontaneous” can actually lead nowhere, even if it can be fun in the moment. If you really want to enhance your sex life, incorporating toys into the bedroom is the best way to take what you love already and enhance it. If you love being dominated, why not try a gag ball? If you love wearing sexy lingerie, why not try breast bondage instead? These little enhancements will help take your sex life to new levels, without overhauling it completely.
Use toys that add a psychological dimension to your intimacy
Did you know that couples who regularly practice BDSM report higher levels of relationship satisfaction than those who don’t? Whilst the reasons for this disparity might differ from couple to couple, we can reasonably imagine that the level of trust required to engage in certain types of BDSM play – such as gag balls, restraints and breast bondage – is certainly higher than those who have never experimented, and this heightened level of trust naturally improves the overall relationship. Adding a psychological aspect to your intimacy – such as the exciting rush of being tied up or wearing a gag ball or being restrained – will heighten your intimacy and make sex once again a thrilling, toe-curling experience. It will also help improve your relationship, as your levels of trust and confidence in one another will soar.
Communicating with your partner when exploring fantasies
In order to better your relationship, improve your sex life and improve your overall trust with your partner, it’s important to communicate effectively and be mindful of your partner’s needs when engaging in any kind of fantasy play, especially BDSM practises.
Employ a safe word
In BDSM communities, most couples use a safe word before engaging in any type of BDSM play. A safe word is there to be used if one partner reaches their limit: if at any moment, even during the steamiest bondage session, one partner wants to stop, all they have to do is say the safe word. For the sake of your couple, it is vital to respect the safe word once you agree on one. If you’re using a sex toy which impedes your ability to communicate verbally, such as a gag ball or chin dildo, you should agree upon an effective form of communication to replace the safe word.
Be mindful of your partner’s limits
If you’ve managed to confess a fantasy to your partner and they’re enthusiastic and on board, great! – but don’t consider one approval as a green light for all your fantasies. Always try to be mindful of your partner’s limits, and take an interest in their needs and fantasies, too. If your partner is supportive of your interest in blindfolds and breast bondage, try to find out what makes them tick and see if you’re into it. Fantasy and role-playing is a two-way street, and both partners should be able to suggest ideas and confess their desires.
Involve your partner’s needs in your fantasies
Whilst it’s great to explore your fantasies and feel the liberating rush of pleasure and excitement when they’re fulfilled, be mindful that you’re not exploring your fantasies alone. To enhance the experience for both partners, incorporate your partner’s needs. If, for example, you want to use a vibrator during sex and your partner is male-bodied, why not invest in a vibrating cock ring, which stimulates both of you at the same time? Or, if you want to try breast bondage on your partner, let your partner decide what kind of breast bondage you use: let them choose a harness bra in a style they love, for example. Put simply, try to make the shared fantasy as pleasurable and exciting for your partner as it is for you.
Overall, when it comes to improving your sex life and bettering your relationship, nothing can be achieved without solid, constant communication. Let your partner be open about their desires and fantasies, but don’t feel pressured to perform anything that you don’t want to. Similarly, always respect your partner’s boundaries: the joy of shared intimacy should always be built on trust and confidence.